Can I survive on my own?
This was the question I asked myself when my mother passed away. My mother was the one who had encouraged me to think seriously about self-reliance and to appreciate the support I receive from the people around me.
She had always been frail. Indeed, bringing me into the world endangered her life. Ever since my days in elementary school, she regularly received dialysis. But my mother was resilient. I’m sure she had many difficulties, but she always had a smile on her face. My mother had a gift for friendship. She had friends with whom she could argue and she would listen to them complain about this and that. When angry, she was magnificently angry, and when she laughed, she laughed with every fiber of her being. At home, with the assistance of a helper, she cooked my favorite dishes and did the laundry for the family. Whenever I had a hard time, she was at my side and listened to me.
It was in June during my third year in junior high school student that my mother suddenly collapsed. She had suffered a brainstem hemorrhage. Then, in the blink of an eye, my mother passed away. As I held my mother’s hand, it became colder and colder, and I kept crying out, “Mother! Mother!”
The death of my mother was a dramatic turning point in my life.
Until then, I just did what I had to do. I knew I ought to learn how to do the chores around the house, but I thought I could put things off indefinitely. Now, that was no longer the case. With the loss of my mother, who had supported me both in practical matters and emotionally, I realized for the first time just how much I had taken for granted.
I thought, “I have to be independent.” My attitude changed overnight from “It’s only natural that someone else will do everything for me” to “I must do it myself.” From then on, I endeavored to make the best use of my time and tackled cooking, shopping, and studying as best I could. I thought I have to become independent.
At that time, many people did their best to help me. My grandmother cooked dishes and brought them to the house and was there to meet me when I got off the school bus. My aunt accompanied me when I went shopping and cooked fried chicken using the same recipe as my mother. At a PTA barbecue held about a month after my mother passed away, my friend’s mother prepared onigiri for me to take with me. She asked me, “Are you eating properly?” People cared about me. I was grateful to them.
My father took care of all the school forms now that my mother was no longer there to complete them. The people at the local government office helped us in many ways. It was their job but they always did everything they could to assist me.
When I was selected to participate in the Kinki region speech contest, a volunteer, recalling how much my mother had wanted to see me making a speech, made a special point being at the venue in Nara on the day. Teachers from my school visited me at my house to advise me about my future path in life and listened to me attentively at school. My friends showed that they cared about me. They continued to support me just as they always had and took every opportunity to reach out to me. I think it is because of all the support I received that I was able to go to school each day.
It was not until I had lost my mother that I appreciated all the support I received from the people around me. When I think about it now, I feel so grateful. It is important to work hard on your own, but you don’t have to do everything by yourself. It’s fun to be with people. Encouraged by my mother, I had come to believe that there would always be someone at my side when I needed support.
Of course I want to be independent. I want to ride the train alone, go to college, and live on my own. But I also want to be with other people. It’s more pleasant to share experiences with others. So, I want to have a family. By sharing experiences and supporting one another, we can spread the happiness. This is my conviction. My mother taught me three important lessons before she died: That one should strive to be independent, appreciate the support of those around one, and live life to the full.
When I look back on the time I spent with my mother, I realize how kind she always was and that she was always there for me. Whenever I had a hard time, she told me, “Don’t make a big thing out of it, just persevere.”
That’s why I want to lead an independent life now.
My mother often told me, “Thank you for coming into the world. I am always happy to see you, Hana-san.”
From now on, with my teachers, my friends and the people around me, I want to experience life to the full. Like my mother, when I am angry, I want to be magnificently angry and when I laugh, I want to laugh with every fiber of my being. And I want to help others, just as my mother helped me.
Now, as I stride into the future, I want to say, “Thank you, mother, for bringing me into the world. Thank you for working so hard to raise me during my first 15 years.”
We usually live our lives while interacting with society and people. It is very important to relate to others. However, I had few relationships with people and felt like I was living in a very small world. So, in my first year at high school, I decided to change my world and took on two challenges to step out of the small world I was in.
The first challenge was to take an examination to participate in Akashi Juku, Gunma Prefecture’s initiative to nurture young people who can play an active role in the international arena. High school students from around the prefecture gather at Gunma Prefectural Women’s University for classes and group activities in English.
In order to participate in this program, you must pass an exam. In the first part of the exam, you have to write an essay about yourself and what you hope to learn through Akashi Juku. The second part of the exam, which is held at Gunma Prefectural Women’s University, consists of a written test and an interview in English. The theme of the written test was how developed countries should deal with food shortages and other global poverty issues. During the interview in English, I was asked about my interests, why I was applying to Akashi Juku, and my goals at Akashi Juku.
I took the exam together with other high school students. I was so nervous that the person supervising those taking the exam told me that he could feel my anxiety. I managed to pass the exam and am now a member of the twentieth-year cohort of students at Akashi Juku.
At Akashi Juku, I participated in various classes and group activities. Besides learning English, I was able to gain wide-ranging knowledge about Gunma Prefecture, Japan, and the world. We also attended some classes at the university. I got to know many students, some of whom, like me, were of non-Japanese heritage, and we communicated with one another in Japanese and English. It was valuable to be able to share our experiences of other countries and cultures. The students discussed what they hoped to achieve in the future. Some aspired to international careers as physicians or in other walks of life overseas using English. As I am attending a school for the visually impaired that has relatively few students, Akashi Juku was particularly exciting for me. I felt a sense of accomplishment during lively class discussions. Through the exchange of ideas and perspectives, all the students were encouraged to expand the scope of their understanding and reach out to the world.
The second challenge was participation in a training camp for the national goalball team. Goalball is a sport in which players wearing blackout eyeshades try to throw a ball into the opposing team’s goal. In the summer of my first year of high school, I was invited by the women’s national team coach to practice at the National Training Center. It was a terrific learning experience not only in terms of my technical skills as a player but also my social skills. In the process, I learned how to express myself clearly and politely, and became aware of the importance of doing so. I also realized that nutrition is one of the keys to physical fitness. Indeed, my picky eating habits have been corrected.
The training was tough, but I gave it my best shot, wondering how far I could go in goalball, a sport in which you can compete fully even if you are visually impaired. All the players participating in the camp did their utmost to achieve their objectives. Their enthusiasm for goalball was intense. I am striving to develop mental strength of the same caliber as theirs.
Through my experience at Akashi Juku and at the goalball training camp, I have gained many valuable insights. I also learned that the key to real change is the desire to change oneself. As I tried to progress, I noticed many things and encountered many people. Akashi Juku taught me that you can expand your horizons through language and you can open up a world of possibilities through study.
The goalball camp enabled me not only to improve my physique and become more dexterous but also to become a better person and with a positive attitude toward life. I can take pride in the fact that I was able to compete alongside athletes who put their all into their sport, aiming to be the best in the world.
I am currently studying Spanish. I find it fascinating to be able to connect with people from all over the world. In the future, I would like to act as a bridge, helping people interact with one another regardless of language and cultural differences. I will continue to explore the world one step at a time, venturing confidently into the unknown.
When I was in the second year at junior high school, I lost my father, who was an irreplaceable part of my life.
At the time, I was enrolled in a school for the visually impaired in Tokyo and returned home only twice a month. Because of all the time spent traveling back and forth, I was only able to spend one day with my family each time I visited them. It was when I became a teenager that conversations with my father decreased dramatically. My father, the mainstay of the family, was diagnosed with cancer. However, he never clearly informed my brother and me of his medical condition, perhaps to spare his family stress and anxiety or because he was determined to overcome the disease. Indeed, in retrospect I sometimes wish that I had been informed of the precise nature of my father’s medical condition. However, this lack of knowledge meant that the rhythm of my life was largely undisturbed. So, I am also grateful to my father for all the precious time we were able to spend with him.
I had the greatest respect for my father. He was kind and gentle, bright like the sun, illuminating everyone and everything around him. My father was always a source of cheerfulness and good humor. He was a leader at work, trusted by his colleagues, and he cared for those around him even when he was struggling with ill health. His colleagues told me that he continued to work as long as he could despite losing so much weight that physically he became a shadow of his former self.
I wish I could have talked more with my father whom I respected and loved.
As I became aware of my father’s illness, my mind was filled with anger, anxiety, and despair that I could not fully express, and my conversations with him became even less frequent.
During his last days, I could not express my gratitude to my father. Because I was speechless at the sight of his changed appearance and could not accept reality. I wanted to at least say “Thank you” to my father......
After my father passed away, I began to think about the words I want to say out loud. Some words are as important to me as arigato (thank you).” They are ohayo (good morning), oyasumi (goodnight), ittekimasu (on leaving home), itterasshai (see you later), itadakimasu (bon appétit), gochisosamadeshita (expressing appreciation for food), tadaima (on returning home), okaeri (welcome back home), gomen (sorry), and otsukaresama (expressing appreciation of work done). Although these are commonplace expressions that everyone utters, they serve to connect us in a web of relationships, creating opportunities for us to express what is in our heart. These words have great power to make not only the person who utters them, but also the person addressed, feel happy and at peace with the world. So, I want to utter these powerful words to other people face to face and with feeling.
Nevertheless, when I review my day-to-day conduct, I must admit that I sometimes fail to communicate my feelings. My mother works hard for my brother and I, cooking delicious meals even when she is tired. I am grateful to my mother but there have been times when it was hard to express my true feelings and I couldn’t even say “goodnight” to her. My mother cares about me and asks me about this and that. I sometimes close up because of a slight misunderstanding and am unable to utter the words that I should naturally say to her. It may be more difficult to express your feelings to family members and other people you feel close to, even though you are grateful to them in your heart.
There may be some words that you have been unable to utter.
You may feel too shy to say those words and decide to leave them until another opportunity arises.
But if you don’t utter the words, your true feelings will not be communicated. And there may not be another opportunity to utter those words to that person. Although we tend to take everyday life for granted, it is in fact a miracle.
I never again want to experience regret for words left unsaid. So, I will be sure to use these seemingly inconsequential words that possess such great power, even if my relationship with the other person is not all it should be. I would like to make people happy and myself happy through the power of words. In particular, during the COVID-19 pandemic when the distance between people is greater than usual, I hope that everyone will value and make good use of the power of words. Then, the power of words will eventually cross the oceans and the world will be filled with happiness.
Father!
I could not say “thank you” to you. I am late, but I will tell you now. “Thank you so much!”
“Father, thanks to you, I realized the importance of speaking clearly and with sincerity. I will connect with others through the power of words and follow in your footsteps. Please watch over us from heaven.”
EN